So it is Monday again. How quickly the weekends just roll on by. I didn’t write yesterday because I was sick as a dog….I really don’t know why we use that saying as it makes no sense to me. Anyway, I didn’t feel like getting out of bed yesterday even though I did. Today, I think I will go a little bit serious like. I have been thinking all weekend about life and all the ups and downs that go along with it. I guess I am struggling with the fact that bad things seem to happen to really good people all of the time. I think we all just have to realize it is what it is. We can only change so much and we cannot feel bad about the rest. We are our own superhero. We have control over our lives to some degree and with those things we need to make the best of the situations we are given.
My life kind of came to a complete halt on July 10th, 2010. My mom was in a tragic car accident that nearly claimed her life. The moment I received that phone call I knew life would never be the same. You see I was still grieving my father’s death. I just couldn’t accept the fact he was gone. Now I was thrown directly into reality that yes, he was gone and now my mom was leaving me as well. As I walked into the emergency room and saw my mom lying there unconscious and so fragile I had a panic wash over me so strong. I couldn’t lose her….I had to do something. The prognosis was not good. The doctor told us she would be lucky to make it 24 hours. We were told they didn’t know the extent of the damage only that she had internal bleeding and they had already given her 6 units of blood which is unreal.
I remember hearing the helicopter land outside and knowing this may be the last time I saw my mom alive. I gripped her hand and told her I was there and I needed her to fight. After we got to the trauma unit in Nashville, Tennessee we met with the surgeon/doctor in charge. He told us that my mom had broken nearly every bone in her body including those in her neck and back. Both legs and arms were broken and cut all over. She had lacerated her spleen and her colon. She also had a major head injury and bleeding on the brain. The news was devastating. She underwent surgery to remove her spleen and part of her colon that night. The next day she was still fighting and the doctors was amazed. If you have never been inside a trauma unit then pray that you don’t. It is the most eye opening experience I have ever had. Broken bodies lying all around in a big open space. People on ventilators, tubes exiting every part of their body, families sobbing and praying loudly. Sadness consumed me.
I spent 18 days sleeping on the floor and in waiting room chairs. I never left the hospital. I held her hand and I talked to her. I sobbed, I prayed, I begged for help. On the 19th day we were told she was moving to a rehab hospital that accepted patients on ventilators. For the next three months I slept in a chair beside her bed, I bathed her, changed her bed, helped change her dressings, read her stories, and never gave up hope. I became my own super hero and hers as well. I lived through the tears she shed, the pain she endured, the nightmares she had, and also reliving my father’s death. My mom thought my dad was in the car wreck with her and she thought his death was her fault.
We made it through two heart attacks, several mini strokes, and over 15 surgeries. She had rods, nails, and pins put in most of her bones. Yes, I learned a lot about myself in those months. I learned I was a lot braver, stronger, and wiser than I had ever imagined. I was able to share a bond with my mom that I had never had before. Yes, life hands us a road paved with many curves, bumps, and blind spots. We have to learn how to drive on them. We have to bend but not break. You may have doubts as to how far you can go. You may feel you are alone. Let me tell you…believe in yourself. Wake up everyday and first thing tell yourself how amazing you are. I have a tattoo on my left wrist. It simply says BELIEVE. I got this in honor of my mother and myself. During those long nights and endless days we held to each other and we never stopped believing in a miracle.
My mom is still with me today even though her memory is not what it should be she is alive. She is proof to me that no matter what life throws at us we are made up of the elements it takes to survive~~~Don’t you ever forget that!