Oh the lessons you learn after you become a mommy. So many things in life change completely. I mean you wake up one day and realize you life is never every going to be the same. I look back on my younger years and sometimes wanna cry. Is that bad? Hell no it’s not bad, it is the truth. The truth that too many moms are afraid of admitting. Now don’t get me wrong I love my little devils with all of my heart however that does not mean I don’t miss sleeping until noon. I can remember seeing a woman at the grocery store in yoga pants, sweat shirt, hair in ponytail, and no makeup….looking like she had been hit by a mack truck. That woman scared me so friggin much. Behind her would be a small caravan of devil children running rampant torturing the poor woman by begging for everything in the store, punching each other, screaming at the top of their lungs, and every now and then hiding in the next aisle so the poor mom would jump into panic mode and begin yelling after them afraid someone had actually been brave enough to take one of them! I wondered what her life was like outside of the grocery store…if it was this bad inside. Well, it didn’t take me long to find out! After I had my first child I got to experience a little bit about being the mom chasing the wild child. I didn’t resort to the attire of the beat down mom but I sure got death stares for the fact that my child was a hellion. She would pick up everything and beg to have it. When I told her no she would have a melt down right in the middle of the store. One day I will tell the story of Sarah and dealing with a child with special needs. You know I think I held myself together pretty well even after three kids. I still managed to get up and get dressed for work and look pretty decent. I kept my weight down and still attempted to have an adult life. As time went by and life happened I began to change…I became the woman in the grocery store. It is sad. I cry. After my last little sweetie I just didn’t lose all the weight…well I dropped it but I gained it right back. My mom had an accident and needed caring for so I focused on her and the kids. My 8 hours of sleep dwindled down to about 4 if I was lucky. I started noticing that instead of getting up and getting ready I would just stay in my pj’s until my husband got home and relieved me long enough to take a quick shower. Don’t tell anyone but I was the woman you see at Wal Mart in her pajamas…bahahahaha! My husband hates me for that.
I can’t find any privacy anywhere! I can go to use the bathroom and within 2.5 seconds there is a baby crying, kids fighting, or one of them barging in through the door to carry on a conversation I don’t want to have sitting on the toilet. Then they make you feel horrible for having to use the bathroom…”gosh mom it smells terrible in here, what is that smell?” Okay kids, when you go to use the toilet you are doing one of two things pissing or shitting…..one of those is not going to smell so good. Get your ass out of my bathroom and leave me alone to take a quiet dump…thank you! Kids just have intuition like that! They are the masters of interruption! Having an adult conversation? Haha forget that one! If the phone is for me you can guarantee that something will go wrong in the house and the kids will need me to fix it. I won’t be able to hear the person on the end of the phone over them talking in my other ear… “mom seriously this is important”. After I am finally beaten into hanging up the phone it ends up being something as simple as… “mom, I can’t find my remote which means I can’t watch t.v and kill the last few brain cells I do have”. GRRRRRRRR…….you made me get off the phone because YOU lost YOUR remote control? Seriously.
Sex? What is sex? Hmmm let me think…oh yeah it was that wonderful bonding experience I had with my husband…before kids!!! Why is it that just when you get into the throws of some blow your mind love making one or all of them decide to come busting through the door to tell you goodnight for the 75th time. The drama queen well let’s just say she may be scarred for the rest of her life but how many times do you have to be told to KNOCK on the door and wait for someone to tell you it’s okay to come in? I feel like screaming and not in pleasure! Awhile back it got so bad at home that on our way back from the baby doctor we reverted to teenage behavior and pulled over behind an abandoned building just to get it on!!
Yes, life changes after kids. I’m not gonna lie and say it’s all peaches and cream because it isn’t. However, I will say that it its worth it. All those sweet slobbery wet kisses I get smothered in! I honestly wouldn’t trade them for a night of the best sex in the world…even with Adam Levine!