Okay so shall I say this post will be a tad bit on the R-rated side! So stop now if you do not have parental guidance…….
What the hell happened to intimacy and sexual pleasure in my house?? Hmmmm…….mittens! Not only mittens either but a few more kids that go by drama queen and miss moody! Yep, I honestly do not know how I managed to have another child with kids running amok in the house. The hubs and I have even stopped planning a romantic night because we know that it IS NOT going to happen. It never fails, the minute the undies drop there is a child busting through the door. We finally moved into a house with a lock on the master bedroom and we thought we had hit a home run. The first week after moving in we thought we would give it a go! A few kisses later drama queen is knocking at the door. Not only does she knock then but she knocks at least 10 more times before finally passing out. We have learned to just give up after the first knock cause it ain’t happening. So anyway the reason for this post is the pent up frustration after last nights chaotic episode. It was 8pm and I was feeling a little frisky. Mittens was exhausted and was on the verge of giving it up. Drama queen said she was tired too from a busy day at school. Miss moody didn’t feel good so she was going to bed as well. KaPow…..lightbulbs going off over my head. I gave the hubs a wink and went to get everything settled in the house. I lay down in the bed and snuggle next to mittens (she sleeps with us still) and get her to sleep. I am able to transport her to her crib without waking her which never happens! Oh yeah, mama is gonna get lucky tonight. I even feel so high on life that I am gonna take charge and saddle up for a ride tonight. The hubs ain’t gonna have to do a thing but lay there and look all handsome…..and pleasured. Well, things progress and hubs ends up naked and I climb on up. Not two seconds later there it is…..the infamous rap at the door.
Me: What is it now?
Drama Queen: I just need to kiss you goodnight.
Me: You already did that twice….
Drama Queen: I know but I love you and I need to kiss you again…..please mama
Me: (under my breath) DAMN IT!!! Okay sweetie hang on….mittens is a asleep and I have to be easy getting up or I will wake her(really I have to cover my nakedness).
Okay round two…….kisses, touching, back on top! Only a minute this time….knock at the door. Much harder knock this time….must be Miss Moody.
Miss Moody: The cat is at the door and she sounds hungry. (Really? How the hell does a cat sound hungry?)
Me: Then open the door and give her some food and go BACK TO BED PLEASE!!
Miss Moody: Okay….oh and drama queen is still awake….she is painting her nails!
Me: Tell her I said to go to bed NOW or she will not be going anywhere this weekend!!!
Round three….back in business. Yes, I was a determined wild cat. Once again, kisses, touching, and back on top! This time it gets going and I am flying high! Hubs is looking just as I expected and the bed is a rocking! Well, the bed rocking scares the shit out of the dog who jumps up and starts barking and runs directly into mitten’s crib. The impact is a little too much and a bottle of orange juice I had been drinking and left sitting on the top of the bed decides to take a superman leap onto the mittens!! I am jerked back into reality by the skin curdling screams of a mittens. I immediately jump up in my birthday suit and run to the other side of the room. Poor baby is covered in OJ….not just a little dribble….oh no it is dripping out of her hair. Well, that was it. They say third time is a charm and yes it was in a bad way. No more fun time for mommy. Oh no, for me it is time to drag the poor orange juice covered mittens to the tub for her third bath of the day! Woo hoo mom of the year award! By the time I get mittens cleaned up, clothed, and back to bed the hubs is snoring away. He gave up as well!
So, no luck once again and I am thinking the idea of sex is completely out unless I find a way to get every kid we have out of the house at the same time.
And just a little advice….if you have a dog make sure to put it up before the festivities begin….oh and don’t leave an opened bottle of OJ sitting on top of the crib!