A Little Heartbroken


January 4th, 1994 is a day that will forever remain etched in my brain.  Not only because we were stuck right in the middle of the blizzard of 94 but on that morning I gave birth to a beautiful, bald, 8lb. 5oz. little boy.  This little man would become this mama’s best friend over the next few years.  He was such a timid and shy little boy.  He was always so very tender hearted.  We used to lay on the couch and cuddle while watching Blues Clues and wrestling.  He would come running down the hallway with his goggles on and his superman cape he had made from his favorite blanket.  He wouldn’t go to sleep at night without his thumb in his mouth and his Woody (toystory) pillowcase.  He never back talked and was the first to handout hugs.  He gladly gave up his bottle at 11 months and walked at nine months. He loved bread…any kind of bread and would eat it by the handfulls. He was terrified of clowns which I didn’t know until I tried t dress him up as one when he was three.  This little guy loved wrestling more than anything and would play for hours with his wrestling figures and his Sting & DDP dolls.  As he got bigger he fell in love with football and baseball.  I watched him play little league and then move on up to the big boys.  His first day of kindergarten I cried and he wiped my tears away. His first day of high school I cried again and once again he wiped my tears.  He was man of the house for many years and he would have fought a bear for me.  At age 16 he got a job and started paying for his own things.  He managed to keep good grades, work, and play football.  The kid who once couldn’t keep up with where his shoes were had become a responsible young man.  This past May I watched him walk down the isle and graduate high school…once again the tears fell down my cheek.  He was accepted into college and is majoring in marketing.  He was also hired at a full time job last week making double what he made in high school.  Yesterday he came in and told me he was moving in with two of his buddies.  They had an apartment and was going to be car pooling to work and to school. I knew it was coming but I was not prepared at all.  As I helped him pack up his clothes and belongings the tears once again rolled down my face. Memories of all our times shared together flooded my mind.  All I could see was that little blonde headed, brown eyed, beautiful baby boy.  I remembered so many things about him growing up and what a happy child he always was.  I felt completely lost.  I know we are supposed to be happy when we have accomplished such a feat as raising our children and sending them off into the world to become who they need to be.   I know this is a good thing and I still have my other three here at home with me.  I know I am never going to be alone but it is his smile that I miss the most.  I turn 39 this Friday and I know my life is half over and his is just beginning…..the circle of life.  He kissed me on the cheek, wiped away my tears yet again, and told me he loved me very much.  I am so very proud of the young man I raised.  He is handsome, intelligent, hard working, responsible, loveable, caring, giving, and he has the biggest heart of any kid I know!  This is a little something he left on my facebook about a month ago. 

I want you to know there ain’t a woman alive who can take your place and you really are appreciated I love You


He is my son…..I love you Christopher Jacob!!  Live your life wild and beautifully!
















6 thoughts on “A Little Heartbroken

  1. Look, I didn’t cry this morning…and I am crying now!! You are so right…we work endlessly to do the best we can…and when things change…it’s hard. Period. He’ll always be your baby. Always. He’s a lucky man. He has you as a Mommy. Big smooches!

  2. This is so beautiful and sad and happy at the same time. My daughter is only 2 and I am already dreading the day she is all grown up and leaving home. I know it’s going to come quick too.

    I just found your blog through the TGIF Blog Hop. It’s nice to meet you!


    • Well hello! I am so glad you stopped by. I don’t write too much or too often because I know I am not a WRITER! I try to do it to help myself through some crappy times in my life. I love new friends so don’t be a stranger.

  3. Your son as a toddler sounds so much like my little guy…this totally got me choked up, as my 3-1/2 year old is starting soccer tomorrow. Like a real kid. I am already freaking out about how fast it’s going.

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