Happy Birthday Jelly Bean

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I didn’t have the time to write yesterday with everything that was going on so I am catching up today.  Yesterday 10/09 my sweet little drama queen turned 11 years old.  It is so hard to believe that my little angel face baby girl is already a tween.  The past years or raising her have taught me so many things about life.  I think with my first two babies I myself was still very immature myself.  I loved my kids and I think I did an okay job at being a mom but when Jaylee came along it was totally different.  I had finally realized that I wanted nothing more than to be a mom and have a family.  I realized that my parents had been right about so many things on so many levels.  When I had Jaylee I looked at the opportunity to start over.  Her father had not been such a good husband and he had left me when I was four months pregnant.  He had cheated on me from day one and me being the love struck pup just turned my head away.  I loved him so much that I couldn’t fathom living without him again.  I wanted Jaylee to have her father around as she grew up.  Watching her little face everyday and seeing the magic in her eyes gave me the desire to chase my dreams.  I decided to go back to nursing school and better not only my life but hers as well.  Over the years Jaylee became mama’s little helper as well as my best friend.  She was mama’s girl through and through.  We would cook together, paint, read stories, play outside, and just enjoy life.  I saw the world through those gorgeous hazel eyes of hers.  She was different in so many ways and I could see it early on.  Once she started school I was sent a letter saying that she was highly intelligent and was being put into the gifted and talented program.  This was one proud mama.  She started going to Super Saturdays at Western Kentucky University in the first grade.  This little thing had been drawing amazing pictures since she could pick up a crayon and now her drawings were just beyond what a child her age should be drawing.  Every day she amazed me with her talents.  When she turned seven her dad decided he just couldn’t be faithful and I finally decided I just couldn’t put up with his antics anymore.  We said our goodbyes and although it broke Jay’s heart she didn’t let it break her.  This only brought me and her closer.  She clinged to me every step I made.  We would have girl day on Saturdays where we spent time doing whatever sounded fun to us.  We would go to the movies, out to eat, go swimming, or just veg out on the couch and watch tv.  I loved those days so much.  Being a mommy was and still is the most wonderful “job” in the world.  This little girl showed me over the years that not only was she beautiful and intelligent but that she had a heart of gold.  She would cry at the sight of the elderly having a hard time or those animals on tv who had been abused.  She offered to go visit the nursing home or animal shelter and she decided to give her allowance to different charities.  I remember her coming home from school one day with swollen blood shot eyes.  I asked her what was wrong and she began to tell me that a little girl at school always had to sit by herself at lunch.  She said the other kids made fun of the little girl and sometimes even pushed her or threw food at her.  She said that at lunch that day she decided to sit with her and she had told some of the other kids to leave the little girl alone.  She said the little girl asked if she could have Jaylee’s ice cream because she never got to eat ice cream at home.  Jaylee gave her ice cream to the little girl every day for the rest of the year.  I noticed that Jay didn’t have her jacket on that she had worn that morning so I asked her where it was.  She just shrugged and said she must have left it at school.  A few weeks later we were at the Dollar Store and I saw a little girl wearing a jacket that looked just like Jay’s.  As I was standing there the little girl walked up to Jay and whispered in her ear.   They giggled and the little girl walked off.  I asked Jaylee who she was and she told me that was the little girl at school that she gave her ice cream to every day.  Jaylee then said “Mama don’t be mad but that was my jacket…..I gave it to her because she doesn’t have one.”  I smiled and patted her on the back.  I know that is really not a big deal but for a child to stand up for others these days and to give something away that they love really makes this mama smile.  After my daddy died Jaylee began spending every Saturday with my mom so that she wouldn’t be alone.  They went to the grocery, to the beauty shop, and always out to eat.  They became such good buddies.  The Saturday my mom wrecked Jaylee had gotten sick and for the first time in over a year she didn’t go to my moms.  A true miracle was given to me on that day as they told me if she had been in the car it would have killed her.  In the three months that I was at the hospital with my mom I looked so forward to the weekends when Jaylee got to come down and stay with me.  Image

Those days kept me going and gave me strength to get through another week.  I missed her so terribly and I would call her every night.  Since the accident I have seen a growing sadness in my jelly bean.  She misses my mom so much.  I take her to the nursing home where she spends the day with mom but it isn’t the same.  There days of getting out and romping around the town are over.  She cries sometimes at night about losing my dad and then losing her nana.  There is no pain greater than that when you have to see your babies sad and know there is nothing that you can do to fix it.  I hate that she hurts but I am glad that all of the trials we have faced has help mold her into the strong and beautiful young lady that she has become.  She is such a wonderful daughter and I dread the day when she leaves the nest.  She is truly one of my best friends as well as my daughter.  She has wiped my tears away when I was sad, hugged me when I needed it the most, and loved me unconditionally.  I hope the next 11 years are just as amazing as the first 11.  I look forward to seeing the changes in her life and seeing the woman that she will become.  This Saturday we are going to celebrate and party all day long.  We will celebrate her life and all the happiness she has brought to our family.  Happy Birthday Jaylee Madison Sanders!  You sure make this mama proud!

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Drama Queen and her face painting!

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