The Circle of Life…..babes, grandbabes, on and on….

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You know I can still remember the look on my daddy’s face the first time he saw my sweet Sarah Beth (aka Miss Moody).  It was a look of complete amazement, total devotion, and unconditional love.  He, in that moment, became powerless to the charms that sweet little cherub. Over the years I watched as he and my mama doted on my baby and I saw a love for her that even I had not seen as a child myself. I was only 18 at the time so I had no idea what being a mom was all about.  I watched my parents care for her and I learned from them over the years.  As I aged and had more babies the love in their eyes for my children never once changed. They loved each one just as much as the one before.  I watched as they would cuddle with them, read to them, or sit in the floor playing for hours on end.  I saw them give kisses on the cheek and hug them after I would discipline them for something.  I saw these actions and devotions but I never quite understood them in fully until I met Bentley.  The entire time Sarah was pregnant I had mixed emotions about the whole situation.  Sarah has had so many issues her entire life.  If you have followed me you know she had a traumatic birth and nearly died.  She was diagnosed with many different mental disorders as well as having an IQ of only 64 at age 14.  We learned she had bi-polar disorder after a suicide attempt which finally put us on the right path to treatment.  The years following were a rocky road to say the least.  I always worried for her that she would never have a normal life or find anyone to truly love her.  If you have the illness yourself or have ever lived with someone fighting this terrible demon then you know what I am saying.  As the pregnancy grew closer to the end my worries intensified and I wondered if she would be able to care for the baby like a mother needs to.  She was blessed enough that the baby’s daddy is a wonderful young man who has a good head on his shoulders and loves his child to pieces.  The day Sarah was induced to have sweet Bentley I was a nervous wreck.  I had so many thoughts and worries flooding my brain.  I was worried that something bad would happen and I would lose them both.  The day drug on and she made no progress which led us to an emergency c-section.  I will never forget the fear that consumed me as I stood outside those operating room doors awaiting the lullaby that plays when a babe is born.  I was shivering from all the adrenaline running through my body.  I stood there holding my sweet Mittens who looks identical to Sarah at that age.  I stood there unable to do anything to help my daughter.  It was the longest 15 minutes of my life.  When I heard that lullaby play over the speaker I was consumed by a feeling that I have never had before.  I felt such a relief and love wash all over my body.  When Donnie (baby’s daddy) came walking out those doors holding that precious bundle of joy I almost exploded.  Looking down into his little eyes for the first time all those worries just slipped away.  In that very moment I was taken back to October 17th, 1991 when my little Angel made her way into this world.  I was stepping into the shoes of my parents and I was experiencing those same feelings they had.  This was My grand baby and I loved him with a special love that I had never felt before.  No, I didn’t love him more than my babies but I loved him in a different way that I cannot explain.  In the past few months I have seen and felt my parents in myself.  I look at him in the same way….I hold him the same way…..and I talk to him the same way.  It is really ironic how we “become” our parents after we have kids of our own.  Our parents lived their lives as we do today.  We are walking the same road just on a different day.  I now understand the emotions they had for me as well as for my babes.  I understand the worries they had, the dreams they had for me and my children, the love they had for us.  Life is one big circle.  It is a bit amazing to watch as the generations come and go.  My parents loved me and then loved my children.  They played a huge role in who I am today as well as who my children are. Now, I am taking on that role.  I am raising my children as well as my grand baby.  I am experiencing the joys, worries, happiness, laughter, and tears that come from being not only a mommy but a grand mommy.  Yesterday as I was dressing Bentley I stood and looked into his eyes and I could see my daddy looking back at me.  The tears began to slip down my cheek as I could just hear him whispering in my ear……see my darling daughter it is amazing isn’t it. 

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4 thoughts on “The Circle of Life…..babes, grandbabes, on and on….

  1. What a beautiful moment- realizing that you are in your parents’ shoes yet again. We all feel it the first time we hold our own babies. But to experienc it as a grandparent? That has such a deeper meaning! Thanks for sharing!
    Vicky

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