A letter to my daughters

Okay so maybe I should have done this for my son and my oldest daughter but I was young and stupid myself….

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Jaylee, Kenna, and Mittens

     I for some reason felt the need to explain to you girls a few things about life.  I’m not sure how long I will be around because as you will soon come to learn “life is not promised”.  With that being said I wanted to tell you a few things.

1.  Always be good to each other.  Sisters are suppose to be there for each other through all the good times and bad.  Don’t be jealous of each other over silly stuff.  Your siblings will one day be your best friends.  I always wanted a sister and after my brother passed I was alone.  Alone isn’t a good place to be.

2. Be good and always respect your daddy (and me if I am still around).  We both love you more than you will ever know.  We sacrificed a lot of things to give you girls a life that we never had.  Your daddy is always going to be over protective just because that is what daddies do.  So when he tells you that you are not leaving the house in those shorts or you are not dating until you are thirty…..he says these things with love so don’t hate him.

3. Cherish your friendships.  True friends are hard to find these days and even harder to keep.  When you find someone you relate to, someone you trust, someone you love to be around, and someone who is there for you every time you call upon them then make sure you reciprocate.  Don’t make excuses or back out on them when they need you.  Friendship is about being there, offering the best advice and support without being judgmental, and telling them the truth when they look terrible in those spandex pants. 

4. Don’t rush your life.  No life isn’t guaranteed so slow down and enjoy the experience.  Don’t wish your life away.  I remember as a child wishing Friday would get here, wishing I was 16 so I could date and drive, wishing I was 21 so I could legally drink (which was a mistake), Wishing I could meet the right guy (bullshit) so I could settle down….on and on and on!  I wished my life away and now I sit here at 39 years old saying “what the hell!  Where did my life go?”  Stop and smell the flowers, lay on the grass and watch the clouds, watch the sunset, read books, laugh as hard as you can at the silly things, and live like you were dying (yes a Tim McGraw song…but a good one).  SLOW DOWN.  Breathe it all in.

5. Life isn’t perfect!  Don’t expect everything to fall in place because it just ain’t happening.  Expect failure but get up, shake it off, and climb right back on.  Never say never  because as sure as you do….the inevitable happens.  Don’t be a quitter…winners never quit and quitters never win.  Things will be hard…you will fail a test, you will get bad news, you will find yourself in a rainstorm when all you want is the sunshine…..that is when you dance.  You hold your head up and you use that determination that I have always taught you.  Push on through.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

6. Boys!  Cooties….yes they do have cooties.  Stay away from them until you know you are responsible enough to handle the cooties that come along with boys.  The only men you can trust in your life is your daddy, your brother, and eventually your son (but we ain’t going there).  Please don’t rush into relationships and remember you are young.  The time will come when you will meet a boy who will make you smile for no reason.  He will give you “butterflies” that don’t go away.  He may not be the “hottest” dude in the school but to you he is “Adam Levine” lol….you will understand this if you ask your father.   Some guys are nothing but jerks and will hurt you without care or consideration. You will learn they are after one thing and one thing only…that is the one thing you need to save until you find the right person.  In today’s society things are really different and people don’t look at love and marriage like they once did.  Once again….don’t rush….expect heartache but know that it will heal…..and enjoy being young and having fun. 

7. Education is a must.  Get good grades and stay focused.  Pick a career that you will love not one that you are going to dread going to everyday.  Make sure you go to college right out of high school.  If you don’t chances are you won’t ever go.  Leave everything else alone for awhile and get your degree.  You can’t survive today’s economy without it and I really don’t want you living at home forever….sorry! 

8. Bad things happen.  Please brace yourself for what life throws at you.  No one is safe from things such as cancer. Death is unavoidable.  You are not immortal so please don’t live like you are.  Make sure to watch your health.  Eat healthy foods, don’t smoke, don’t binge drink (I won’t say don’t drink at all because as you know I love a good bottle of wine).  If you choose to drink do it safely.  Never climb behind the wheel of a car…ever.  Call your dad or myself or have a sober driver get you home safely.  Don’t do drugs…plain and simple.  There is nothing waiting there but heartache.  Trust me on this one.  I have known way too many people addicted to drugs that wrecked their entire lives.  Just don’t risk it…there are far too many other things to do in life.  Try to make time for exercise everyday.  Understand the risks that come with the behaviors I have mentioned….lung cancer, heart disease, accidents such as auto accidents while drinking.  All of these things can happen to you.  Understand that your daddy and I will not be around forever.  We are going to die just like everyone else on this earth.  It is just a part of the circle of life.  Don’t grieve over us for too long.  We wouldn’t want that.  It breaks my heart to think you would waste your days crying over me.  I will be in a much better place and look for those signs that I am around.  I may be the wind on your cheek or the bird chirping at your window.  Smile at those things and remember our good times.  Know more than anything that you made my life worth living.  

9. When you do marry and have kids of your own please be patient.  Love your spouse and stay focused on him.  Don’t ever lie and make sure you never go to bed angry at each other.  Let’s remember they are men and sometimes they don’t think with their brains.  They think they are always right and sometimes it is best to let them think that.  They will do silly things like leave their clothes two inches from the laundry basket or put a dish in the sink when the dishwasher is a foot away…learn to ignore these things because they can’t help it.  Always remember that you brought your children into the world and they didn’t ask to be here.  Show them love and kindness always.  Hold them when they want to be held, wipe their tears away, kiss them every chance you get, and don’t get frustrated when they put their tiny handprints on the window you just cleaned (twenty times).  These moments will fly by and you will miss them. Understand their emotions and remember you were in their shoes at one time.  Teach them to be respectful of others no matter what the skin color, culture, or life choice.  We are all human and we have a right to live as we choose.  You should never judge anyone….your hands are not always clean.  They will push you to the ledge and give you that tiny shove right over…that is when you grasp the little hangover and pull yourself back up.  The teenage years will pass  I promise. 

10.  There are so many things I want to tell you and I want you to know but there is no way to write it all down.  More than anything know that I tried my best to raise you in a loving home.  Always know that you all were my life and my reason for breathing.  I would have given my life for you at any time to assure your happiness and safety.  The day I met each of you was a day etched into my memory.  It was the happiest days of my life.  Looking into your eyes for the first time and counting your little fingers and toes was just more amazing than anything in this entire world.  Don’t ever forget how special, brave, and intelligent you are.  You can accomplish anything in this world if you just set your mind to it.  I love you girls so much it hurts sometimes.  You will understand this when you have your own daughter.  I only want the best for you.  As you read this know that I am sitting on a couch suffering through the same episode of Curious George that I have already watched 10 times this morning just because you (Mittens) want to watch it.  You are running around the room in your red Minnie Mouse outfit with a big red bow on your head saying dadadadadada….not mama which kind of sucks.  You girls make me smile…always.

Take care of yourselves, love who you are, and never give up on your dreams.

I love you!!!!

Mama

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