Reflection

reflectionYou can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards ~ Steve Jobs

Does that statement make sense to you?   I think your answer may be dependent upon your age. I know when I was in my teens I had no idea of what life truly entailed.  The sacrifices, the pain, the heartaches and grief, the reality that there is no true happy ending because the end is death.  I had no clue that one day I would be sitting at my dinner table trying to figure out whether I should pay the light bill or get groceries.  Now, sure, not every day or week is bad.  It’s not like I have to make these harsh decisions every single week but they do happen.  I never realized that those grades in high school would play a role in getting into college.  It is just so ironic that we do not truly understand the importance in so many things until we are damn near too old enough to do anything about it or appreciate it.

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The kids you go to school with, the co-workers you work with, the people you choose to date, your friends, and even your foes play some role in your life.  I think the universe has a way of intertwining them into our lives to teach us an important lesson.  That bully at school, he taught you how you never wanted to treat another human being, that school teacher who pushed you and critiqued your work so intensely empowered you to excel, your boss at that fast food restaurant who made you work overtime when he knew you had plans, taught  you that you could someday have a job where you made your own hours….see where I’m going with this?  People have a way of showing us who we want to be, who we don’t want to be, and they even help us decide which fork to take in the road.  Your parents teach you unconditional love, your friends teach you loyalty, and the world teaches you life.  You may not realize this as you make travel your path but someday you will achieve something and you will automatically think of that teacher who told you could do it!  You will look into the love of your life’s eyes and you will remember your mom telling you “sweetie, there are more fish in the sea and this guy is a loser because he lost the prettiest girl in the world”.  We have to deal with those who teach us lessons by hurting us and breaking our spirit.  Don’t hate them because years later you will realize how important knowing people like that is.  You will teach your children kindness and how to treat others because you will remember that person who lied on you or treated you insignificantly.  All those who enter your life do so for a reason.  Cherish those who love you and treat you with kindness and learn from those who do not.

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Just remember with life, you really don’t get a do-over.  It is a one time show with no dress rehearsal.  When you make a mistake, own it.  Say I am sorry. When you do try to make amends and they blow you off then it is time to let them go. If you truly feel you are right about something, then stand your fucking ground and don’t you dare back down.  Choose to dream no matter how old you are because dreams keep us alive.  Remember people will FOOL you and they will lie to you.  A lot of people will be jealous of you or hate you for no reason.  Forget them.  That is their problem, not yours.  At some point, and believe me I am still working on this one, you have to quit worrying what other people think of you.  It’s sad but, for a lot of people, you are only important to them when you are serving a purpose.  If you have an inkling of fame they will follow you to the moon but the minute you fail or you become just another common person they will drop you like a hot potato.  It’s human nature for many.  Life is YOURS to live.  No other person can make you feel inferior without your approval.  Don’t spend half of your life making silly mistakes, living to make others happy, and denying yourself the happiness of what life has to offer.  Reflection is a great thing and it puts so much into perspective….just try not to have as many regrets as I do.

For anyone who I have hurt intentionally or not, I am sorry.  I am not perfect and I make mistakes and bad decisions.

For anyone who chooses to dislike me or bash me for menial things….that is your problem.  I don’t live for you or even to please you and if it makes you feel better about your self, then carry on.

From this day forward, I will live with every intention of being happy and bringing happiness to those around me.  If I fail, I will scoop myself up and I will fix the issue.  I won’t hide and I won’t be a doormat.  I sure as hell won’t take the blame and let others make me feel as if I do not matter because you know what? I do matter.  I matter to my parents, to my kids, to my husband, and to the very few, faithful friends I have.  That, dear people, is all that matters.

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